The Inevitable Beethoven Breakdown and How to Avoid It.

If you need a reason to quit playing piano this simple equation is your answer....

piano + pianist = mental anguish, nervous breakdown, feelings of inadequacy.

and if that isn't reason enough to quit, I don't know what is. However, for those of us -as the evil octopus witch of "little mermaid" put it- unfortunate souls who are foolish enough to continue playing, our days are numbered. Today my number came up, it was 17. No. 17 Beethoven Sonata that is.

I sometimes sit back and wonder what possibly could have been going through Beethoven's mind whilst writing his music. Did he have some personal vendetta against his fellow contemporaries? I suppose he must have, I know I would if everyone said I was going deaf and I do not mean in the literal sense as he was, but rather in pejorative sense. As for this vendetta, I know how Beethoven exacted his revenge. No really, hear me out. He just made sure his compositions were impossible to play.

Wait, I retract that statement. They are not impossible to play. They are "near" impossible. See that was Beethoven's plan. To write compositions that would drive his fellow musicians batty. I can see the hopeful pianists of his time slaving away at the ivory keyboard battling through mind numbing torturous hours of practice. Lifting their shame filled faces to the heavens to call out for mercy or even better for some extra talent. And finally the realization nay the relief that they are going to die from (you guessed it) irreparable finger hemorrhaging. Relieved because death is better than playing a Beethoven.

What of course is regrettable is the number of pianos that were tried and sentenced to fire wood, wrongly accused in the death of their masters. It is only now we know the truth. It was Ludwig's carefully fabricated squiggly black note compositions that led to the pianist's demise. Although this fact will never be completely proven, several notable historians have noted a rise in deaths in and around Vienna during Beethoven's most prolific years as a composer. And although the death by finger hemorrhaging rate was not particularly high, the suicide rate was. Now these same compositions are driving present day musicians batty and towards similar finger hemorrhaging/jump off the ledge deaths.

So, what is the modern day pianist to do? Beethoven's compositions are accepted and considered an important part of a pianist's repertoire. How can we possibly avoid similar fates? First, we need to raise awareness of Beethoven's centuries old scheme. Secondly, pianists need to limit the amount of time they practice Beethoven compositions. Unfortunately, for us, learning/practicing his music is unavoidable.

A question I am frequently asked is how long is too long on a Beethoven? That's easy, Over Practicing Beethoven Death Syndrome or OPBDS has unique stages. After a certain amount of time, --the time usually varies pianist to pianist, some pianists can practice Beethoven for days before feeling any affects while others can barely last minutes-- a pianist will generally move through these stages:

1. feelings of mental fatigue followed by periods of false enlightenment
2. the need to scream or throw objects
3. the need to bang, thrash or play continuously at FFF decibel readings
4. obsessive-compulsive practicing techniques -- i.e., playing particular stanzas incessantly or playing until your fingers bleed.*
5. complete mental breakdown and sense of reality lost

and the final stage...
6. the urge to throw oneself off anything 10 feet or higher from the ground**
*(can be fatal) **(most likely fatal)

if you have any of these symptoms then you have indeed practiced a Beethoven composition for too long and are experiencing OPBDS. I suggest you seek help immediately either from your piano teacher or a Rachmaninoff Concerto recording, which ever is more readily available. I must add that it is always wise to discontinue your practice at the mental fatigue stage. Continuing any further can lead to death or committal.

By limiting your Beethoven practicing time and being aware of symptom onset, you should be able to avoid OPBDS and achieve virtuosic greatness.

However, sometimes it is even difficult for those of us aware of OPBDS to follow these rules. Thursday, Yesterday, and Today being proof. I fell into the trap of Sonata No. 17, or as it is more commonly known "The Tempest". I have been trying to work on the full sonata for my college auditions and I have to admit I have started a little late. I saw the light a little too late to be more accurate. Nonetheless, I have been drudging through the majority of my pieces and making great progress....well at least until No. 17. The first movement was no problem; I had messed around with it before so I was already immune to most of its traps. However, the second movement and third movement were and are another story.

I began Thursday with a great outlook. The second movement in most editions is only 4 pages and the third movement is only 10. Not too bad, 14 pages is really not that much material. Boy, was I wrong! 4 pages soon turned into 400, and I began to feel the telltale mental fatigue of OPBDS. Unfortunately, I was so wrapped up in practicing I took no notice. Come Friday I started the third movement, canceling out most of the initial mental fatigue from the second movement but soon I had hit stage two. I must say portable metronomes fly quite marvelously across the room. However, the mark they leave in the wall is not so attractive. Still, I did not heed the warning signs, I had become wrapped up in my ego, the need to progress and not be defeated. By the end of Friday, I had reached the incessant practicing stage. Although, my fingers were miraculously saved from blood shed. But it did not stop there. Today, before realizing that I was suffering from a severe case of OPBDS, I found myself enduring stage 5. Yes, completely and utter mental breakdown. Obviously and luckily, my OPBDS stopped there or you would be reading my obituary.

How did I conquer OPBDS in its final stages? It wasn't easy, but Chopin and ice cream were factors in my recovery. So, I repeat do not let OPBDS go further than stage 1 and if you are extremely prudent you will not let it ever reach stage 1. Moreover, if you are a real hypochondriac, just don't play, listen or look at anything Beethoven. Just remember....

On a Beethoven never linger...
You just might lose more than a finger.


More Later.

To Practice or Not To Practice

That is the question. Sometimes it is just so difficult to practice in this era. With so many distractions, work, family, friends (the few I have), books! Yes books are such a distraction. I find the hardest thing is to just to sit down and start practicing. However, once I start I cannot stop. Of course it would just have to be like that. The hardest part about practicing is the volume of material to practice. Where do I start? With which song do I begin? Is that song even ready to study at the piano, or does it need more reading through. Reading through/analyzing is very a tedious process. I sure most musicians would agree that any form of practice away from ones instrument is very difficult. Insight #1, pianists procrastinate practice. It sounds like a tongue twister or someone learning words starting with "P". And, okay I know that not everybody is going to agree and that there are great piano students out there that practice all the time and enjoy every minute of it. I just have to say you must be quite the artist to never be frustrated by the black squiggly notes on the page. Musicians have to have one of the few careers where they self-inflict their own stress and frustration. Probably because we are our own boss. In fact we are our own teacher. My teacher is not much of authoritarian it seems. Since, I can obviously not discipline my inner pupil to practice!
Of course that is not completely true. If I did not practice at ALL, then I would be indeed a sad piece of work. I like to think that I at least play well and have the potential to play great. As an artist I must find the discipline to apply myself to my instrument. It is all mental after all. A tug of war with my mind. This is where life as a pianist becomes lonely. You turn down party invitations, can't sit down for dinner with the family, ignore phone calls, and work maybe one day a week if you can manage that. Then you spend your day practicing for 8-10 hours, then you sleep and possibly eat if you feel like it. People just don't understand it and why should they? It is manic behavior, definitely obsessive compulsive, and every bit egocentric. I certainly paint a ugly picture of a pianists personality. But why should I lie, we don't act normal. No normal person would practice to the point of having to soak their hands in ice water. No normal person would practice a glissando until their fingers bled. (Warning: I do not recommend doing this, it is very painful and you will not be able practice glissando's for a few weeks.) So what can motivate you to practice? Last minute panic. I should definitely find a better one, but right now it works. So today, remember "don't procrastinate practice" or play glissando's for too long, i will not be responsible for any injuries!

The Prelude.

I am starting this blog because I cannot find a blog like it anywhere. No one seems to have written down the cold hard truth of what it is like to be a pianist. Especially a young pianist. To be sure the experience of being a pianist or musician is different for everyone. However, in an astounding amount of ways we are all the same. We all struggle through the emotions, we all suffer through the practice, and we all take pleasure in performing the music. We can't give a real reason to why continue down a path that is so repetitive it slowly drives one insane. But it would be safe to say that it is the end result, the music that finally takes form at the end of all the hours of slaving away that continually lures us back to the hell that is music making.
It is hell, because no matter how hard we work, achieving perfection is never within our reach. Even though we swear it is. Just one more hour, just one more day, it could be tomorrow that the music sounds like the master emitting from our headphones. Then tomorrow comes and perfection is still elusive. We become desperate, we contemplate selling our soul to the devil. It has been rumored the "greats"did after all. Then we toss that idea aside, it would be cheating after all and what satisfaction would there be in playing with a talent you bought. So we labor onwards, hoping to capture that ephemeral lady "perfection". Where every note, every sound, every nuance, is completely in accordance with you. And not someone else's perfection. Your perfection, how you hear the music in your head. Because that is the most difficult thing, to take what you hear in yourself and make it real, tangible and true.
Moreover, no blog I can find has addressed the issues and problems that can arise for musicians and pianists. The insomnia, the depression, the stress, the loneliness. Music is a very singular art. For sure musicians will work together in bands, or orchestras to make music. However, we all know that everyone is individual, only working together for those moments. Socially, in my opinion musicians are isolated. Others can make you feel selfish or foolish for choosing an instrument as a life goal. For example I once had someone ask me why I was still taking piano lessons if I already knew how to play a song on the piano. I don't want to accuse people of being narrow minded, but it is hard not to when they cannot even see the logic of continuing music lessons to progress as a pianist. No blog has stories such as these to which I can relate. Hopefully, I am not alone and someone can relate to my stories.
On an ending note, let me say that with music you never stop learning. One of the reasons why I love it. You learn one song, two songs, maybe fifty songs and there are still hundreds to learn. Music Theory is continuous as composers are coming up with new ideas everyday. Classical Music is it's own world. That most seem naive to. And for you the reader, I hope to give you in the future uncensored insights into this world. Expect rants, ravings, ups, downs, and secrets pianists never tell. And believe me we the pianists have secrets...